How can I betray
Something that
Never was?
Never is
I know I can
I know I did
It was an act of
Preservation
of
Desperation
To return to myself
The piece of me that
You took
That I offered up
Back when I
Misread the
Situation
reflection
September in Seattle
I hover just outside myself
Lifted with weed and dazed by alcohol
I drift through my mind
On a partly lucid quest for truth
Mayhem
My insecurities haunt me
Echo through my mind
move in maddening ripples
On and on they cry:
Insult
Insult
Failure
Failure
Endless chatter
Mindless worry
When can my breath be steady ?
When will the mind be silent?
Perfect
When I think of you,
I don’t remember your perfect
I think of your flaws
Great and many
I remember your pride
Your temper,
How your face looked
When irritation flickered
Across it
The way your voice sounded
When impatience rose in it
The reddening of your neck
When embarrassment
Grabbed hold of it
I remember these things, and
Think of how I smiled.
Loneliness is Knocking
My loneliness is knocking,
Has been for a time now,
Was quiet at first,
Soft thuds every now and again,
Patient.
Certain I would answer, yet considerate
Allowing time for me to come to the door.
The knocking is louder now,
Rapid, insistent.
Each rap shakes the door to my heart
Vibrating my core, leaving me unsettled
Unsure.
Perhaps I should open up to loneliness,
Let it in to settle by my heart’s hearth.
Keep me company, keep me safe.
My loneliness is knocking,
It is rude to make it wait.
I Wish
I wish my heart wasn’t surrounded by walls
I wish my soul had just a few less scars
I wish my body didn’t clench when someone
Took me into their arms
I wish I’d believed them when they’d said
I could reach for the stars
Perhaps I would have, were it not for that pause;
I wish the hand I was dealt had slightly different odds.
Struck
I watched as the match struck the box, igniting upon contact – she lifted the flame to my mouth. Inhaling as the end of my cigarette caught fire, I coughed slightly at the intake of smoke into my lungs.
It had been a while. I cast a grateful nod in the direction of my benefactor and leaned my head against the brick wall.
The sky looked ominous, carrying with it, mist filled air and rumbling clouds bursting with thunder.
How similar to my mood, I mused. The sky, similar to myself, seemed ready to burst at any moment; showering the earth with rain.
