Misconstrued 

How can I betray

Something that 

Never was? 

Never is

I know I can 

I know I did

It was an act of 

Preservation 

of

Desperation

To return to myself

The piece of me that

You took

That I offered up

Back when I

Misread the

Situation

Mayhem

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My insecurities haunt me

Echo through my mind

move in maddening ripples

On and on they cry:

Insult

Insult

Failure

Failure

Endless chatter

Mindless worry

When can my breath be steady ?

When will the mind be silent?

Perfect

When I think of you,
I don’t remember your perfect

I think of your flaws
Great and many
I remember your pride
Your temper,
How your face looked
When irritation flickered
Across it

The way your voice sounded
When impatience rose in it
The reddening of your neck
When embarrassment
Grabbed hold of it

I remember these things, and
Think of how I smiled.

Loneliness is Knocking

My loneliness is knocking,
Has been for a time now,
Was quiet at first,
Soft thuds every now and again,
Patient.
Certain I would answer, yet considerate
Allowing time for me to come to the door.
The knocking is louder now,
Rapid, insistent.
Each rap shakes the door to my heart
Vibrating my core, leaving me unsettled
Unsure.
Perhaps I should open up to loneliness,
Let it in to settle by my heart’s hearth.
Keep me company, keep me safe.

My loneliness is knocking,
It is rude to make it wait.

I Wish

I wish my heart wasn’t surrounded by walls
I wish my soul had just a few less scars
I wish my body didn’t clench when someone
Took me into their arms
I wish I’d believed them when they’d said
I could reach for the stars
Perhaps I would have, were it not for that pause;

I wish the hand I was dealt had slightly different odds.

Struck

I watched as the match struck the box, igniting upon contact – she lifted the flame to my mouth.  Inhaling as the end of my cigarette caught fire, I coughed slightly at the intake of smoke into my lungs. 
It had been a while.  I cast a grateful nod in the direction of my benefactor and leaned my head against the brick wall.

The sky looked ominous, carrying with it, mist filled air and rumbling clouds bursting with thunder.

How similar to my mood, I mused.  The sky, similar to myself, seemed ready to burst at any moment; showering the earth with rain.