Turbulence 

I sit at the bar reading The Ethical Slut

Trying to pretend I’m not broken

Acting like I haven’t spent the night

Spilling my guts to the inside of a paper bag

I woke up just after the sun, with my mind reeling

Learning to identify the way regret feels on the inside of my bones

I’ve got fucked up priorities

This is clear to me, in the way glasses are when they come in from the rain

New year, new me

I wish it was a thing I believed

There are so many things I don’t believe

So many truths I’ve learned were false

Here is a truth I know:

I’ve been too focused on love, not on life

It’s funny because I’m currently mystified, my next step escapes me

I’m just wandering, bleary eyed and wild hearted

This life is moving by me, through me and I’m having a time keeping up, and with it, and present

I’ve begun to weave so many different patterns and I am unsure how they will come together

I have a strong desire to just say, fuck it.

To take something large and hard and durable and smash the shit out of everything around me

I was so optimistic yesterday

We’ll see how I feel tomorrow.

Mist

Explain to me, oh Darkness of night

How this Mist serves as my muse,

Does it serve me, or do I serve it

Or is it something far more confused?

Explain to me, oh Darkness of night

How this Mist has become my muse

Particles land and dance on my skin,

Leaving me feeling amused.

Explain to me, oh Darkness of night

How this Mist has become my lover

I write and I sit and I smoke cigarettes,

Finding I am utterly consumed.

Explain to me, oh Darkness of night

How this Mist has become my muse

Do I serve it, or does it serve me,

Or is it something  far more confused?