i miss letting people in
i’ve never done it with lovers
and i haven’t done so in a long long time
people get confused though
because i share details of my life
things which some people would hold
so closely to their chests, never to spill out
i dump all over the floor
i do it for me, not for them
i am purging myself of my pain
but that is not intimacy, it is not closeness
not for me
to me, intimacy is when i lay my head on a lap
when i share a bed with someone and we let the night drift around us
the lights are out and we send our voices into the darkness
carrying whatever hope or fear or thought held within us
knowing that it will be caught by the other person
intimacy is knowing that even if all you are greeted with
is soft, even breathing, you are still heard
i miss that.
it has been years.
i want to find it again, in a lover
and a friend.