you believe me, don’t you?

Anger churns in my stomach

Rises, like bile, in my throat

I fight to push it down

So this is what alone feels like

No tethers, no warm bodies to press against

Be wrapped up into,

False words, false love

I love you so much,

You believe me don’t you?

Echoes in my mind

I did, and how foolish I was

The days tick away, 10, 9, 8…until we part

Until she can be free of me, continue on with her life

Unscathed, undaunted, and I’m left,

Strange coast, strange place,

Not a single familiar face,

This is what fear feels like

Last night, I fell asleep curled up into my bags,

I wrapped myself in a blanket and covered my face with my grandfather’s shirt

To feel safe, protected, a nest of my making, of things that cannot make promises and so

Are unable to disappoint, bags, clothes, books

I huddled against them and sobbed

Pain and panic pulsated from my body

Tiny bits of liberation, in the form of tears escaped me

I felt the weight of my solitude press against me

I told her I was angry with her yesterday

She didn’t sleep next to me

She has already started to leave

I’m not entirely certain she arrived here with me,

The distance is all that remains,

I’m not just going to leave you on your own,

You believe me, don’t you?

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