Mayhem

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My insecurities haunt me

Echo through my mind

move in maddening ripples

On and on they cry:

Insult

Insult

Failure

Failure

Endless chatter

Mindless worry

When can my breath be steady ?

When will the mind be silent?

On Drinking After Midnight

She listens to burned cds in her car
That sound like old records
Ella sings tales of her heart,
Voice crackling and sizzling
Begging my soul to recall days
Of scratchy records and smooth
Cigarette smoke curling into air
Naked bodies dampened with
Sweat and loving, splayed exhausted, Across thinly cushioned day-beds

Windows crack and a cloud of knowing
Hovers around us,
We welcome it into our lungs
With deep intakes of breath
Tongues loosened with liquor,
We talk of the ways we’ve
Lived our days,
Reflect on the many different
Postures our walks have taken.

We are moving.
Fast and impassioned
Fire in our hearts inflaming our path.
Cigarettes clutched between our Fingers, smoke trails behind us
We don’t know where we are heading.
Until we do, and we are sitting
On a bar stool.

Her eyes wide, she explains
A piece of her soul
Leaning into her tale, hands
Serving as her dancers moving and
Interpreting, punctuating her points.

I get lost when I talk to her,
Access that place in my mind
Reserved for meditating, paper and pen
I pluck out pieces of myself and
Spill them at her feet,

Knowing that although she may not
Know their meaning,
She understands the part of my
Mind that I am pulling from,
Sees the hard sought truths and
Honors them, welcomes them

Accepts them as my truth.

Midnight

Midnight finds me
Blanket pulled securely
Under my chin
To keep out the monsters
They come anyway
Clock strikes twelve,
Shadows dance about me
Sinister, taunting,
They know I cannot hide
The monsters have marked
My skin,
Marred my flesh
Their venom seeps from their
Claws into my bones
I cannot hide
This blanket will not keep
Me safe.

Perfect

When I think of you,
I don’t remember your perfect

I think of your flaws
Great and many
I remember your pride
Your temper,
How your face looked
When irritation flickered
Across it

The way your voice sounded
When impatience rose in it
The reddening of your neck
When embarrassment
Grabbed hold of it

I remember these things, and
Think of how I smiled.