Love Song

I sing love songs to death
Only when the night is
Long and my mind is high

I call to her in sweet
Dulcet tones
Entreat her to come near

Let me glimpse her beauty
Time and time again
She eludes me

Refuses to come
Her ears continually
Deaf to my song.

On Breaking the Skin

Sometimes when emotion wells up in me
I feel I am going to explode

I fear it will flow from me,
Over me,
Run like acid across my flesh
Hissing and burning as it flows
Eating away at my being

So I close my eyes and imagine release

I see a blade in my hand
Imagine what it would feel like to pull it along my thigh
Feel the blood let
Know the warmth of it trickling down my leg

Exhale.

Sometimes I imagine what it would be like
If I had the courage to pierce my skin
Or if I had the strength to allow myself to explode,
The strength to simply let the acid run.

On being afraid

What was that you said ?
No, the thing about me
What you whispered too loudly
To your friend as I passed by
Yes, I’m sure you have seen me around
A lot. Bound to happen when I walk everywhere
No, that does not mean I am open to being harassed
Oh, I’m sorry, I don’t have any cash on me
What? That makes me a Nigger?
Well, this Nigger isn’t begging you for money
No, I will not hug you,that does not make me a bitch
What? You want to rape me ?
Come say that to my face,
Does that make you feel like a man ?
Every day they come at me
It’s a wonder I step out at all.

On Acknowledging Truth

I am not as strong as I think I am
I am not as clever as I pretend to be
I use big words and grandiose statements to hide my fear
The world terrifies me
I have gotten nowhere, fast and I am afraid I will stay here
I Fuck up chances like it’s my job
And my childhood tore me down instead of building me up
I am a shell, a fraud, a coward
I never do the things I say I will
I hide from people and the world because they hurt me and attack me and judge me
I am not who I pretend to be
I can’t fake it til I make it
I am tired.
I am not as strong as I think I am.

Itch

Small town cop strolls

Down driveway,

Semi-automatic rifle in hand

Taking in scenery

Like a child takes in sunshine

Another walks a dog around

The back of the house

Business as usual

No one gives a first – let alone

Second glance

Dogs walk people,

Children swing on swings,

Laughter and serenity echo

Through streets

As cop strolls with his

Semi-automatic rifle

Finger itching to pull the trigger.